Cyber-Safety When Fleeing an Abusive Relationship

Every year tens of thousands of people, mostly women, flee from their abusive spouses or partners. They often obtain protective orders and get divorced, but their former partner continues to stalk them, terrorize them, abuse them, and even kill them. Their abusers often use the internet to find them. What can they do about it?

Often, there is not a lot of time when a victim decides to flee. They may take a sudden opportunity and not have time for planning. But there are things they can do with very little time to help keep themselves safe.

Cyber-Stalking: What is it and How can you prevent it?

Cyber-Stalking is defined differently in each state by statute. But in common daily terms, it means using the internet to track and follow someone, typically to harass or bully them. It is most often done through social media, such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other online social networking programs. It can also include accessing the victim’s email and text messages.

To prevent Cyber-Stalking, here are a few tips:

1. If you are leaving a computer behind, such as a family desktop or laptop, go into the Web Browser and change the settings. Delete all of your passwords and accounts listed on the browser. Then clear the entire browsing history.

2. Log in to your social media accounts and change the account recovery settings. Often abusers list themselves as recovery contacts so they can go and get the victim’s password and hijack the victim’s account(s). Then turn off Location Sharing info. Also turn off tagging so that others cannot check you in to locations, which gives away your location information. Hide your friends list and make sure no one can search for your profile, including friends. Remove your abuser as a friend, but do not block them. (You may need to see what they are doing on their profile later.) Also turn off the Online Status feature, which shows whether you are logged in when a person looks at your profile or tries to use a Messenger application.

3. CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS. Most people have a “formula” for their passwords so that they remember their passwords more easily. Unfortunately, this means the abuser can guess the victim’s passwords fairly easily. Drop this formula now.

4. CHANGE YOUR MICROSOFT AND ITUNES ACCOUNT PASSWORDS. Both of these can be used to access your information, such as anything saved on Google Chrome or iTunes, which may update your password information. As previously said, do not use your usual password formula to make a new password. Be original. Be creative. Use special characters and numbers in your passwords, and not just at the end of them.

5. If your mobile phone is part of a joint account with your abuser, perform a factory reset and leave it behind. Get a new phone.

6. If your mobile phone is not part of a joint account with your abuser, perform a factory reset. Frequently, abusers place tracking software on their victims’ phones. Applications such as Life360 can be used to track your location. Unfortunately, many apps and programs that track your location can be hidden on your phone, completely unviewable to you. A factory reset gets rid of these hidden applications.

7. Do not answer anyone’s questions on social media or email about where you are, where you are working, etc.. Abusers will often enlist the aid of friends and family members to find their victims. Do not assume your friends and family will not discuss things like this with your abuser.

8. Change your passwords for Zoom, GoToMeeting, and all such applications. These applications can be logged into and show where the last login occurred.

9. Withdraw half of any money in joint bank accounts and close out your separate accounts. Go to a different bank to open new accounts. When you login to your bank, your location information can be viewed for each login. The debits you make and checks you write will also show where you are making purchases. Ask an attorney for help in determining what is marital property and how to take your half if you have time to do that.

10. Stop having your Estimates of Benefits from insurance mailed to you. Contact your insurance and see if they can do this through an online portal only. These EOBs contain information about where you see a doctor or dentist and give away your location. Abusers often attempt to contact doctors who have treated you to obtain information.

Are there any other things I should be doing?

In short, yes. There are many things you can do to help protect your location information. The biggest five are here:

1. If you have a protective order, ask the Court to order that you can put a Post Office Box on your driver’s license. This means you can use a PO Box instead of a street address on most important documents and that others will not see your physical address.

2. When you move, you can have mail sent to the nearest post office as “General Delivery.” This is mail that is sent to you without an actual address. You can have your bills, medical paperwork such as insurance, and other items delivered to you this way.

3. Revoke all permissions given to your abuser to access your medical records and care. Contact all of your providers and let them know you wish to do this. You may have to do so in writing. Put a new and trusted person down as your emergency contact.

4. Set up a buddy system. Pick a few people you trust in your new environment. Let them know every time you go out, even to the grocery store, and let them know when you will be back. This way, if something happens, they know that something is wrong much sooner. Check in with them before and after each outing to let them know you made it to your destinations and got back home. This is the same thing we do with our children, and it is for the same reason. It gives us more time to act if you don’t show up where you are supposed to be. Do not pick people who know your abuser in any way!

5. Tell your employer and teachers, if you are in any kind of school, that you are fleeing domestic violence. Tell them specifically not to share your information with anyone but the police. Tell them this in writing.